Helping Your Teen Build Confidence: A Guide to Teenage Self-Esteem

Confidence and self-esteem are major parts of a young person’s identity, especially during the teen years. One moment they might feel unstoppable, the next they’re questioning everything about themselves. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Self-esteem in teenagers can feel like a rollercoaster, and today’s world doesn’t make it any easier.

Social media, academic pressure, friendship drama, body image expectations, and even just growing up in a world where comparison is everything can all chip away at a teenager’s self-worth. Low self-esteem in teens doesn’t always look obvious either. It can show up as withdrawal, anger, overachievement, perfectionism, or total apathy.

What Causes Low Self-Esteem in Teens?

Low self-esteem doesn’t usually show up overnight. It’s something that often builds over time, shaped by how a young person sees themselves and how they deal with everyday challenges. Things like how safe they feel at home, how much they compare themselves to others, or how they’re treated by peers and adults all play a role. Even the way setbacks are handled can have a long-term effect on their confidence and self-worth. Do they feel supported? Or judged? 

Teenagers are also still figuring out how to process big emotions and make sense of their place in the world. So when tough stuff happens, it can hit harder and stick around longer, especially if they don’t have the right support around them.

There’s no one reason why teens experience low self-esteem. It’s usually a mix of things that stack up over time. Social pressure, challenges, and what they see online... this all shapes their sense of self-worth. Even small moments, like a passing comment or not feeling heard, can add up and affect how they feel about themselves.

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How to Tell if Your Teen’s Going Through It

It can be hard to tell what’s just part of adolescence and what might be something deeper. But here are a few signs of low self-esteem to look out for:

• Avoiding social situations or extracurricular activities
• Negative self-talk like “I’m not good at anything”
• Being overly self-critical
• Struggling with decision-making or independence
• Acting out or withdrawing emotionally
• Constantly comparing themselves to others

Low self-esteem can also lead to anxiety and depression in teens, which can make it harder for them to ask for help. That’s why it’s so important to pay attention to these behaviours and be there to teach them ways to feel good about themselves. 

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What Impacts Teenage Self-Esteem Today

1. Social Media and Constant Comparison

Most teenagers are constantly online, and much of their social lives now happen through apps. But what they see on Instagram, TikTok, or Snapchat isn’t always real. The filtered photos, highlight reels, and popularity contests can slowly erode self-esteem, especially if they begin to feel like they don’t measure up.

Talk to your teen about how important it is not to always chase what they see online, because so much of it is curated and unrealistic. Encourage your teen to appreciate themselves for who they are and what they have. This kind of mindset is key to building a healthy self-esteem that isn’t dependent on likes or comparisons.

2. Body Image and Puberty Changes

Teenagers' bodies are changing fast, and that can trigger insecurity or embarrassment. Some may obsess over how they look in front of a mirror or compare themselves to peers or celebrities. 

"I'm so much shorter than my friends", "I hate how bloated I look", "My skin looks so oily". 

Every teenager will feel self-conscious about these changes they are going through. But negative body image can have a big effect on self-esteem in the long run. Instead of commenting on how they look, focus on how they’re feeling, and keep reminding them that changes are normal and everyone develops at their own pace.

3. Peer Pressure and Social Groups

Teens want to fit in. That’s part of the deal. But feeling like they have to behave in certain ways to be accepted can hurt their sense of self-worth. Peer pressure can also influence everything from what they wear to whether they try risky things.

Having a group of friends is important, but so is helping your child build confidence to say no, set boundaries, and choose friends who bring out their best.

Help Your Teen Build Their Self-Esteem and Be More Confident 

1. Keep Communication Open and Encouraging

Teens tend to have higher self-esteem when they feel their parents are open, honest, and supportive. It’s not just about having the door open for your teen to talk, it’s also about showing up with consistent encouragement. When parents use words of affirmation and speak honestly (without sugar-coating or shaming), it helps teenagers feel seen, supported, and capable.

Even small things like saying, “I know things feel hard right now, but I’m really proud of how you’re handling it,” can boost a young person’s self-esteem. Those everyday moments of support help your teen feel more confident in who they are and more comfortable in coming to you when they need help.

2. Show Them What Confidence Looks Like

Model healthy behaviours and show them what good self-esteem looks like. That includes how you talk about your own body, mistakes, stress, or challenges. Teens pay more attention than we think. Show your teen that confidence doesn’t mean being perfect, it means knowing your worth and bouncing back when things get tough. Something about you looks different from others? Own it! And show your teen that confidence and good vibes help people notice their best qualities more than their flaws.

3. Encourage New Experiences

One of the best ways to help build self-confidence is by letting them try new things, even if they might fail. Whether it’s a part-time job, learning an instrument, joining a club, or starting a project, these experiences help them develop confidence through action. It allows them to step out of their comfort zone and build new skills. 

Remind them it’s okay not to be great at something straight away. Skills are built with time.

4. Affirm Who They Are (Not Just What They Do)

Praise effort, kindness, creativity, and resilience, not just results. Comments like “I saw how hard you worked on that” or “You really showed up for your friend today” go a lot further than “You’re so smart.” 

This kind of affirmation helps your child feel valued for who they are, not just what they achieve.

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When to Seek Extra Help

If your teen’s self-esteem issues are leading to concerning behaviours, like withdrawing completely, self-harming, or expressing feelings of worthlessness, it's ok to reach out for help.

Mental health services, school counsellors, or cognitive behavioural therapy can all support your teen in building a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence.

Remind your child it’s never wrong or not okay to ask for help, and that they don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Supporting Your Teen Through the Ups and Downs

It's important for a teenager to feel confident and to be kind to themselves. If your teen struggles with low self-esteem, know that it’s something that can improve with time, support, and the right tools. It’s completely normal to feel a lack of confidence as they navigate all the changes and pressures that come with growing up.

Keep in mind that self-esteem for teens isn’t fixed. It's often up and down. With your help and support, they can go from feeling unsure to knowing they’re capable, resilient, and proud of who they are.

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Looking for more support with parenting teens? Join the Fawn Meets community today and connect with other Australian parents who get it. Share stories, swap strategies, and get real support through the highs and lows of raising teens.

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